Loss
by SkyBlue-Dreamer
Summary: He was always the master of his emotions. Untill he was utterly alone. MelloMattNearL Brotherly.


**Disclaimer****: **I don't own 'Death Note' or it's characters. Though I wish I did. I only own this plot.

**Author's Note:**** L **is written in bold to show that it is the character. Warning: Possible OOCness!

" " Speaking

~ ~ Thoughts

* * Emphasis

Near bit into the chocolate and began to eat it slowly. The creamy flavour coated the inside of his mouth as the chunk of chocolate was melting and being chewed at the same time. He swallowed and the rich flavour slid down his throat, yet still lingered upon his tongue. Dark eyes that had been closed to fully experience the taste of chocolate now opened to stare absent mindedly at the Kantou region. Well, the dice model of it anyway. "I knew I wouldn't understand." Near stated softly to himself placing the rest of the smooth chocolate on a small warehouse, the tin paper crinkling slightly as it was set down. The pale hand which once held the chocolate bar proceeded to move upwards and hold a strand of his white hair. He then started twirling it around his index finger, "I suppose I should've known…".

The chocolate was pleasant enough as far as food went, but there wasn't really anything truly astounding about it. Only Mello had been practically addicted to the stuff, claiming it to be 'heaven'. A frown then graced Near's normally emotionless face. Mello… Matt…

It had been awhile since they had died, but Near knew he still sad. Despite their rivalry he had liked them, though the red-haired Matt was easier to get along with than the over-emotional, blonde-haired Mello. Near's face once again became impassive, totally expressionless. They had been good friends, yes, and even occasionally called each other 'brother'. But "They knew what they were getting into." Near sighed softly, steeling himself against the… 'sorrow'? Yes, sorrow is what he felt. Mello and Matt had known it was the only way to catch 'Kira'… Light Yagami. They knew they would die… At least Mello did. Matt had been a shock since he was supposed to have escaped. But their deaths had seemed close so he had hardened his heart in preparation. Prepared for the seemingly imminent loss. But every now and then his facade would fall and misery was plain to see as he felt it. Because that's all it was: a facade.

And their deaths had been expected, unlike **L**… Emotion surged within Near's mind at the mention of **L**. Near stared straight ahead at tactically placed dice, his movements becoming extremely controlled as he continued moving his pale finger around his ghostly white hair. He would not let his calm slip… He would not let others see that it had gotten to him… And then, as if waking from a dream, he realized that… no-one was there to see him. Not a single living soul. But he felt as if there should be. ~**L **should be here.~a small voice in the back of his head whispered softly. "Yes, he should." Near cautiously answered himself as he clenched his fists. It was incredibly, crystal clear to him. The only reason **L **wasn't here was… "He let himself get killed!" Near yelled, releasing his tightened grip on his hair and pushing over a tall sky-scrapper. Near's pale hands then turned to other buildings, sending the dice scattering. "I hate him! It's his fault he's dead! It's his fault he's not here!" he yelled, voice hurting slightly from the unusually loud levels he was using.

Near stood shaking in the middle of the deserted room, buildings now dice spread unevenly across the floor. His dark eyes widened as something stung them. Slowly, and almost fearfully, he lifted a quivering hand to touch the damp warmth on his cheek. He was… crying? Near was confused as more and more salty tears rolled down his cheeks. If he was angry, why was he crying? He was angry at **L**… wasn't he? Near sat down heavily on the floor, his socked feet pushing several dice away. He now understood, it wasn't anger, which Mello had displayed upon learning about **L**'s death (though directed at the murderer, Kira, and not **L **himself), but sadness. ~Why was he sad?~Near pondered as tears continued to fall from his eyes, making damp spots on his white pajama-like clothes. Maybe it was because… "I miss him." Near spoke quietly, his hollow voice echoing slightly in the dim and lonely room. And then, for the first time in many years, he allowed himself to cry himself freely. Mourning the loss of his three heroic brothers...

A lone aspiration saw the crying child and felt guilt. It was his fault that the young boy felt such sorrow. Big, dark eyes scanned the room (the gaze somewhat sharpened by the dark circles under them), and noted the chaotic mess of dice. His wild, black hair bounced slightly as he turned back to his saddened brother whom he had hurt. ~Another reason to hate losing.~he solemnly thought to himself, his baggy clothes lending no warmth against the heart-wrenching sight.

Bare feet passed through multiple dice as he made his way to the child. He crouched down in front of the unaware orphan (hunching as he did so) and awkwardly put his skinny arms around him. He leaned even more forward so their foreheads touched. Then he spoke in a voice that only dead were allowed to still hear, "Near, I'm sorry.". Near suddenly felt comforted, though he knew not why, and unconsciously huddled closer to the spirit. His tears lessened, the unexplainable feeling of **L **being right *there* temporary overwhelming him. And then the aspiration of **L **spoke once more, "Thank-you, for everything.". This brought a fresh wave of tears and a surprising confession from Near, "I just wish my brothers were here… all three of them.". **L**'s ached at that simple admission, he knew they could not be together now, but they would one day. Near would one day journey up to heaven and find them waiting there… for him. But until then, he would comfort and watch over the lonely boy as much as he could.


End file.
